i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
