It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
