so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Fuck appropriateness.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
