sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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