I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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