love makes seman taste better
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
