Don't make out with my wife yet
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did I show you my penis last night?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
