mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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