I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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