you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
