My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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