We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
