No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
