I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
