Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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