she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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