I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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