just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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