I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
