i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
