I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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