My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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