Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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