I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
