WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
