So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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