You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
