i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
