your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
