Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
