So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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