Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
