I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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