do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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