i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize