Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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