I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am midnight drunk by noon
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
