he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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