Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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