i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
