I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
