id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I die, sorry about rent.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
