I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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