Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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