i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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