Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
