We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
