I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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