i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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