No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize