I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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