I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
