Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
