i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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