Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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