The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
