My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize