he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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