I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize