Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
