my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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