There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
